Saturday, August 15, 2009

Salam Akhir




Bila dok pk2 kan ... rasanya uncle nak benti dah blog ni .... dah ade kenangan pahit lak kat sini... so better uncle stop kat sini je lah ......




Akhir kalam dari uncle... rasanya nak attached satu artikel dari sorang kawan yang uncle rasa bagus untuk dibuat bahan telekan ....




and maybe.. mula pose nanti uncle rasa nak delette semua ni ....




Kalau ada yang terasa ke dengan kenakalan uncle selamani ... mintak maaf banyak2 yerrr...


takde niat nak sakitkan sesiapa ... dekat sini uncle hanya hilangkan boring dan tension jerrrr... tak sangalak ade yang marah .. kepada yang berkenaan tu .... harap jangan simpan lam peti segala gurauan uncle dekat sini




Salam




Dinst/Unclebest/Ehem-ehem








Asylum for the Verbally Insane
Just to share an activities that we've done during our EF class today (Friday,16th May 2008)Our instructor Mdm Saripah tell us about certain words that wrote perfectly but its pronouns by muted first letter examples: hour become 'our, honour become 'onour, honest become 'onest but honey can't be 'oney, its still pronouns as HONEY. This is very interesting to me when we go through this today.**If you want an explanation on this, ask your English Teacher. HeheheWe'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.If the plural of man is always called men,Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?and three would be those,Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.We speak of a brother and also of brethren,But though we say mother, we never say methren.Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!Let's face it - English is a crazy language.There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;neither apple nor pine in pineapple.English muffins weren't invented in England .We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,we find that quicksand can work slowly,boxing rings are square,and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking Englishshould be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.We have noses that run and feet that smell.We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down,in which you fill in a form by filling it out,and in which an alarm goes off by going on.And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?If puns were a crime would I be charged with man’s laughter?Bib-- Hjh Anne (Suzana Soon)

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Cite Budak-Budak


Hmmmm... takde respond lak dari kekawan pasal kuizess uncle ari tu ... tempuh dah nak abis ni ... sampai esok jerrrr ... takat ni baru ade 3 owam bagi jawapan ... tu pun yang sowam tu tak jawab... nak pk dulu .... maknanya tak tau lah tu kan? Susah sangat ke soklan tu? ...takpe... belum edah nya lagi... nanti esok uncle check... sape yang akan dapat hadiah tawaran uncle ...


Sementara nunggu hari esok .. uncle nak citekan sikit kisah anak-anak sekolah hari ni ... hmmm kalau dekat Klate .... budak2 dok peksa laaa ni kat Sekolah Rendah .... UBB ... huhhhh.. UBB pun sekarang dasyat tau .. dah berpusat ... dah takde dah PKBS yang dicanangkan mase KBSR ari tu .. camtu laaa kaedah pengajaran hari ni .... kuar je idea baru... tepekik ayam betelo .. then.. setahun dua.. dahhhhh silent .... macam PPSMI gak ... dah bejalan 6 tahun ... baru riuh.. sampai buat perhimpunan .... nak laung tak setuju .... heheheh dah jalankan 6 tahun dahhhhh.. apasal dulu2 tak laung ek?.... heran gak .. hmmm takpe lah ....


Bukan kisah tununcle nak citekan kali ni ... tapi kisah sorang budak Jah Satu ..... artikel ni uncle ambik dari email kawan ari tu ... kalau benar cite ni... benar lah apa yang uncle taipkan ni ....


Kisahnya... sorang budak darjah 1 .... dok belek-belek buku tulis baru diberi guru siang tadi kat sekolah ..... sambil2 dok belek buku tu . .. ade yang musyikil lam pala dia ... budak2 katakan ....


"Bah .... sex tu ape ek? " ... dia bertanyakan pada ayah dia yang sedang dok baca akhbar .....

tersentak gak ayah dia ..... " Ishhh budak ni ... mane dia dapat perkataan tu ? susah gak nak eksplain ni".... tepikir ayah dia ....


"Hmmm... camni lah .... Sex tu ... macam ....nak cite direct kat anak kecik sangat lagi...

isshhh.. haru ni .... tak nak kasi tau... nanti ... anak nak belajo kan? .... hmmmm camne ek nak bagi penjelasan kat dia ni? ....


"Hmmmm ... sex tu ... macammm .... kucing yang adik tengok semalam kan .... yang dia dok bising bila si jantan panjat atas belakang dia ..... lepas tu ....".. lum abis ayah nak jelaskan.. anak dah ngeleng pala .... "Pehal ayah ni?".... tertanya dia kehairanan ....


"Adik tanya..... sex tu ape ?.... bukan cite kucing..." ...rungut si anak ... budak jah satu katakan..

"ye laa sex tu macam .. hmmm mama dengan abah ... kawin.. lepas tu .. mama mengandung... lahirkan adik ..... " jelas si ayah ....susah kan nak jelaskan pada budak sekecil tu ....


Belum abis Ayah nak sambung . ... anak dah nangis-nangis .... "Waaaaaa .... kalau macam ni ... ayah tolong isikan lah ruang kosong ni .... pendek jerrr ... yang ayah cite tu panjang sangattt.. macam mana adik nak tulissssss ......." ngadu si anak ..lalu dia bagi buku tulis kat ayah dia untuk di isi ruang kulit depan buku tu yang tercatat :



EXERCISE BOOK




Name : ..................................................................


Standard : ..................................................................


Sex : .................................................................


School : .................................................................


Hahahahahaha... tecengan Si ayah .... ingatkan ape laa anak dia belajar kat sekolah tadi ....

hahahahahah....Budak-budak zaman sekarang..... cepaaaaattttttttt belajar.....










Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Kisah Suami Isteri


Teringatlak uncle satu cite ..... ni cite benar tau ... heheheh zaman uncle muda2 dulu... laaa ni pun mude gak ... heheheh ....


Ada laa satu malam tu... uncle jalan-jalan balik dari warung mek nab ... larut malam sangat dah mase tu .... dah tu... nak ke umah uncle ni... kene masuk lrong kecik melintasi beberapa buah umah .......


Mase tu uncle sorang-sorang ... takde ujan renyai pun... cuaca elok jerrr....Jalan punua jalan... tetiba lalu dekat umah sorang jiran ..... terdengar depa dok sembang..... bunyi macam gaduh jerrr... tu uncle pasang tinge .... hehehehe syyyyyyyy .... jangan gelak kuat... nanti terdengar lak kat tuan umah .... mati uncle .....


uncle terdengar suara pompuan merungut .... Isteri dia lah tu ... >>> tak leh sebut name... malu lak yang berkenaan<<<<< "Huhh.. abang ni .... main ape tah .... kejap jerrr... tak dan pun 2 minit... dah kuar airrrrr" .... uncle tedengar suara isteri dia merungut kat suami.....


Lalu uncle dengar suami dia jawab ....... >>>> oiittttt.... hehehe.. tak yah lerr nak terendap2 kat screen tuuu..... baca cam biasa jerrr dah lerrr.... nanti uncle taip gak ape kate suami .....hehehehe


Suami dia jawab ape tau? ..... uncle pasang tinge dekat2 .... sampai rapat ke dinding umah tu .... tak ngintai tau... just dengar jerrr.... hehehehehe .....


Suami dia jawab "hmmmmm tu nasib baik kuar airrr.... kalau kuar api ..... camne ko? ... heheheheh


Agaknye camne ek kalau main kuar api?... uhhhh tak saggup nak bayangkan ..... so sebelum depa tu sedar ... uncle terus jerr berlalu...... dengan menahan gelak .....

Soklan Kuizessss


Hmmmmm time kasih lerrrr kat kekawan yang sudi lawat blog uncle ... hehehe ade gak bagi komen .. hmmm camtu aaa... nampak cam ade respond ni .... uncle ingat kali ni nak bagi soklan kuizess lah pulak... nak tengok sape yang pandai jawab ..... kalau yang rasa ada kemahiran ni .... haaa cuba2 lah yerrr... hadia lumayan tau ....

Soklan nye kene konar2 lah sikit tau ... takkan soklan kuizesss nak bagi jawapan cam soklan peksa lak kan? so pandai2 lah ek... nak create jawapan tu ....


ARAHAN :

Sila jawab soalan berikut berikut dengan memberikan alasannya sekali :


Soklan 1 : Apa bezanya Sarang Burung dengan kain sarung ?


2 : Apa bezanya Kapal Terbang dengan Burung ?


3 : Apa benda besar sikit jerr dari TIKUS


4. : Apa bezanya Burung Gagak dengan Laki India ?


5 : Haiwan ape yang boleh bertelo dan boleh beranak ?


Hmmmmm pikir-pikirkan lah jawapannya heheheh .... nanti minggu depan uncle akan bincangkan jawapannya ....Kita tengok sape leh jawab .... kalau bagi satu jerr jawapan ... dapat hadiah satu ... kalau dua dapat hadiah ... dua ..... dan...dan...dan....


Kali ni tak nak bagi jawapan dulu ... kita jumpa minggu depan .....


Selamat memerah otak ....

Monday, August 3, 2009

Akibat menahan Kencing




Hmmmm... rasanyaelok gak uncle bagitau cite ni kat korang semua .. terutamanya kaum lelaki . . untuk menjaga kesihatan kan? .... kate orang ... kalau terasa nak buang air kecik ni... jangan tangguh2 tau .. boleh memudaratkan kesihatan kan? ... sebaiknya kalau terasa nak buang air kecik .. elok laa disegerakan .... ye laaa ... salah satu penyakit yang dikaitkan kala suke tahan2 kalau nak buang air kecik mudah kena "batu karang" ...




Tau kan camne penyakit ni . .. boleh tumbuh batu dalam pundi saluran ... hmmmm sakitt sangat kalau nak buang airr..tesekat2 ... hehehehe ... nak petua ubat batu karang? uncle ade petuanya... senang sangat ... biasanya kalau batu karang ni kita nak cari penawar nak kuarkan batu tukan? nak operate sakit lak .... paling senang .... hmmmmmm .....hehehehee ...




Pakai spender koyak ...... hehehe senang2 jerr batu tu kuarrr kan?


hahahahahahahaha .................




Ok laaa ni nak cite pasal sorang kawan ... akibat tahan kencing terlalu lame .....


Konon kawan ni naik bas ... dari KL nak balik KB .... dek tergesa2 dok keja mase... bas nak jalan.. lum sempat dia ke tandas ... memang dah terasa nak buang air kecik.. so terpaksa laaa tahan dulu ..... lame gak bas jalan... dia dah tak tahannn dahhh... so dia pegi ke depan bagitau driverr...


" bangg... kalau kalau ade petrol stesyen ke mane2 tempak leh benti .. tolong banggg ... saya dah tak tahan nak buang air kecik" ... dia mintak tolong ngan driver bas ....




Dah mase tu tengah lebuhraya ... mane ade tempat nak benti kan? ... so drebar tadi bawak laa bas sambil-sambil melilau kalau2 ade tempat nak benti ....lame dia bawakk bas tu ... then terjumpa laa tempat yang agak selesa... lalu dia pun bentikan bas...." ok sape yang nak buang air tadi boleh turun sini jerr"




Apa lagi ... kawan tadi dah terlampau lame dok tahan... tegesa2 kuar dari bas ... tengok kat belakang elok jerr tempat .. terus bukak zip .... tarikkk anu dia... dan terusss .. sssyyyyyyyyyy .. dilepaskan dengan begitu nyamannn sekali ......




Lame gak laaa di lepaskannya .. maklum laaa dah lame tahan kan? .....hmmmm bila dah legaaa.. dia pun nakmasukkan anu dia balik ke dalam suar ....heheheh ... pegang jer suaar...lerrrrr abisssss basah kuyupp suarrr dia .... "huh.. ape dah jadi ni?",,, rungut kawan tadi .




Tau nape suar dia basah? .....hehehehee... rupanya .. dek kerana dok tahan lame sangat nak kencing ... benda tu dah kebassss.... so mase nak tarik kuar tadi ... rupanya dia dah salah tarik ..... yang ditariknya tu...yelo... bukan batangg.... yang batang masih kat dalammm.. so bila lepassss ... hmmmm abisss aaaaaa ke dalam suarrrrr kan? hahahahahahaha




Tu laaaa lain kali ingat2... kalau terasa nak buang air kecik tu... cepat2 lerr ke tandasss....